making amends.
Recently I was faced with the consequences of my own actions - actions that in hindsight, were not me at all. At first, I diverted, and could not allow myself to believe that this was my fault at all. However, after 4 days in bed with the flu, I have had many many hours to sit, think, cry and realise what the root of all of these problems were. I had become a toxic person. In the past few months, I had allowed toxic thoughts to manifest in my mind, they swarmed my brain and quite frankly, made me rather chaotic to be with. I lost trust, in both myself and pretty much everything else. After coming out of hospital, I was depressed, I did not see much going for me anymore and my self esteem was zero to none. I do not see my situations as an excuse for how I acted, God forbid I ever tried to use that as a get out of jail free card. But, what I will do is allow myself to understand, that how I have acted has not been true to who I am and who I want to be. The truth is, I l